The Parts & the Path
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it”
The Alchemist- Paulo Cohelo
Several years ago, I was emerging from a cocoon, a cocoon of interior design. Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, in the pit of my soul, a flower, one that had always been there really, it began to bloom. To walk on the path, to become conscious, is to acknowledge when a deep longing is summoning you. Where do you feel a fire, a rumble, a desire that you've forgotten about? (The answer is often the first thing that pops into your head.) And now that you’ve heard the answer, what will you do about it? When I heard my answer—to become a therapist—I hemmed and hawed. And all kinds of resistance arose inside me. I danced around my answer, moving closer and closer towards the center of that desire. This is the mid-life transformation that I have written about before. It had taken nearly a year for me to arrive at the threshold of yes, and to accept the answer my heart was offering. Looking back, it feels like this happened so quickly; once I agreed to the call, everything fell into place rather auspiciously. But what I also know to be true is that before I accepted my hero’s journey call, I went through an very difficult, at times excruciating, twelve months of feeling lost, of asking, questioning, of reading, reaching, praying, walking, list-making, stock-taking. Even though it coincided more or less with the pandemic shut down, the stakes I was playing for were much bigger because the search I had undertaken was existential; the outcome would alter the rest of my life.
The tagline of my old blog was, where's your heart at?, and it was meant to inspire curiosity about your inner state: emotionally, mentally, and somatically, where are you in this present moment? How is your internal experience right now? Are you feeling connected, in the flow, aligned? Are you saying yes to the things that light you up and inspire joy—the areas that feed you? Are you saying no to the experiences, people, and events that feel burdensome, hurt your heart, keep you feeling small, stuck, and/or out of touch with your power? Checking in with your heart is a good practice to counterbalance all the thinking we do these days. And it may not be as easy as it sounds. Firstly, it requires slowing down. And then, can we trust our hearts? Most of us have been hurt by love, or harmed by those we’ve trusted, or led astray by what we believed was our heart’s guidance…or all the above. Learning to sit quietly, tap into the heart’s rhythm, and find safety in what arises this can take some practice.
When we start something new that we are excited about, like writing a blog, playing music, or meditating, we step out of our comfort zone. We have a desire and the whole universe responds to this, conspiring with us to achieve it. This doesn’t mean we won’t encounter resistance, like negative self-talk or a harsh inner critic. Parts work (found in Expressive Arts Therapy, Drama Therapy, Internal Family Systems) recognizes that we all have parts that make up our whole person. Different internal parts may step forward at different times and it can be a way for our ego to feel safe and remain in control. The internal part may simply want to be heard or acknowledged. Maybe it is an internal protector, wanting to keep you safe from failure. As I see it, we only fail when we let our fear stop us from trying.
Although the answers we are seeking may already be within, sometimes the path to finding them takes a circuitous and serpentine route. The path to what our heart says is rarely ever linear. If you are finding yourself in a dark night of the soul, questioning your purpose as I was, pay attention to your dreams and write them down. They can be an excellent source of guidance. Lay still in the quiet morning hours as you awaken. Listen to the small voice of your beautiful heart and remain open to the path that shows up. 💜