Stronger for it
“Moreover, the journey of surviving attachment traumas fosters profound inner strength and resilience, instilling individuals with a sense of tenacity and determination that empowers them to confront adversity with courage and grace”
When love breaks our hearts, there can sometimes be a refrain that echoes: I’ll never let anyone else hurt me again, and sometimes that can reverberate for years. When love does appear again, if we have not closed our hearts’ doors completely, we might give it another go. Does it work out this time? For a few, it might. For many of us, we find ourselves repeating the same patterns unknowingly and when the newness settles, we wake up to realize that we are basically in the same relationship as the one before. The patterns are the same, the buttons they press in us are those same old ones. We end up not feeling seen, not feeling heard, and having to heal from yet another “failed” relationship.
From an evolutionary spiritual perspective, we are here to heal past karma, learn whatever our particular lessons are, and expand our consciousness; we are a soul having a human experience and not the other way around. The lessons we need to learn will keep repeating until we learn them, disguised in a different cloak, but the same nonetheless.
From an attachment perspective, we will attract a partner that replicates the particular caregiving misattunement we received.
When we keep attracting the kind of partner (or friend, lover, situation) that brings out all our shadows, and we see ourselves acting in ways that we know are probably unhealthy, but we just can’t seem to help it, that is a tender, vulnerable place to be. We stay in it and keep trying, because maybe things will change, maybe they will change. When it ends, we must feel the heartache. Some of us try to avoid this step, but it is a very important one. Feeling the feelings allows them to move through us and not stagnate. What does not get expressed gets repressed. Every one of us has our unique experience, the triumphs and the struggles in this one precious life are ours, and when we can learn to see every experience as an opportunity, no matter how painful, we open up, instead of shutting down. Within every challenge, there is always a gift. Are we willing to keep our hearts open, to find the treasure in the cave, thus allowing ourselves to be changed? If we grow from an experience, even if it ends/changes/hurts like hell, was it really a failure? Expand the perspective, and failure becomes a growth point.
From the choices we make, to the language we use, to the company we keep, and the thoughts we think, slowly but surely, we can begin to shift from states of incoherence (disorder) to coherent patterns of harmony and balance. We may notice more synchronicities showing up and a sense of being in the flow more often than not. As we observe that we are doing better and liking who we are inside, our energetic frequency shifts. We pave new neural pathways, demonstrating to our psyche that yes, we are resilient, and our self-esteem takes root and blooms with our own capacity to thrive.
All healing happens in relationship—and it starts with the relationship you have with yourself.
Quote source:
https://positivepsychology.com/anxious-attachment-style/#how-anxious-attachments-can-be-a-strength
